What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
