I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize