I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sex in a hospital.. check
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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