bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
