OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
