in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
