Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
