there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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