I hate your face
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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