put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
