Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
