Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
