Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
