i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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