I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
