Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
