he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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