i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize