Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
