i need an iv and a liver transplant
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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