Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
