You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need water and some morals
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
