Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
