Will you blow on my dice?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
