dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
