A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
