my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
