So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorryâ€. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
