sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
