omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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