I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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