yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
