Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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