My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
