a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
