Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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