Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
