awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
