It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize