i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
