I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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