Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
