anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
