OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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