So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
