Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
