a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize