i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
