my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
