They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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