before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
