I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
