So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
