I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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