I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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