i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
God I need to hump something, right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
