so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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