Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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