I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
