dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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