We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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