p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
