Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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