And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
