Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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