you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
