My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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