i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
