Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
