I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
