At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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