Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
