my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
