she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
