She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
