Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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