the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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