I cannot find my penis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
