Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
