You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
