There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
