garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I died a long time ago.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
