i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
