i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
