I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize