Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She bit a glass in half.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
