i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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